Marriage, death, and birth constitute perhaps the most important personal and family level events in life in terms of honouring and deploying, albeit in a UK setting rather than in Nepal, ancient time-honoured rites of Nepali Hindu, Nepali Buddhist, and of Sherpa-Tibetan kinds.
With these three life events there are associated major rites, largely Nepali Hindu caste (especially higher castes) related (including in the case of the preliminary to marriage, engagement). These take place in the UK in often substantially different forms – especially in regard to death – but with the essence of each being maintained. It should be noted that in all three life events certain foods exist as integral parts of main ceremonies (such as first rice eating at the Pasni Ceremony for infants, or the elaborate types of abstentions after the death of a parent or close family member).
Marriage: Traditional Nepali marriages take place over three days, with the wedding ceremony known as Bibaha; the main form follows the Nepali Newari Hindu tradition (close to but not exactly the same as that in the Terai and much of India (Bharat). However, in contrast to the West and other parts of the world, the Nepali and Hindu South Asian concept of marriage is not linked solely to the wedding ceremony and subsequent life in union of a duly engaged couple. In fact there are three stages to marriage in Nepali Newari culture for girls. The first two marriages are symbolic: the first marriage being when pre-adolescent girls are married to a symbol of the Lord Vishnu, a wild fruit (wood apple), the Bael/Bel Fruit (this first marriage is therefore named ‘Bel Bibaha’ and its ceremony, ‘Ihi’). The second symbolic marriage takes place for girls in the years of adolescence (7 – 13) and are symbolically married to the Sun (also a God, existing in other ancient cultures such as Greek and Egyptian). This marriage is known as Bhara. The third marriage is to the human soulmate, traditionally being arranged by the two given families, and strongly influenced by astrological considerations and a professional astrologer specialising in this very important field of astrology.
The third marriage (Bibaha) in Nepal would normally for higher caste families couples take place across three days involving various ceremonies, and with a uniting of two families through the married couple as a major backdrop (marriages therefore often traditionally leading to such families extending their status or influence, from wealth creation & busines to political and other domains). This is an important factor when one considers why divorce is traditionally regarded as extremely inauspicious.
There is a belief therefore because of the three-marriages tradition that should a woman find her third-marriage husband passing on, she, because of the two preceding symbolic marriages, will not be a widow. This also establishes a powerful block in this traditional culture, on remarriage.
In the UK however, many younger Nepali community members of both sexes, respect such traditions, but, sometimes with some struggle with parents and families, do not necessarily follow them. This because of alternative perspectives, and especially critical scrutiny of arranged marriage (which is a general rule traditionally, but not absolute or always mandatory as love marriages – the coming together of two individuals who fall in love – have also always been recognised and honoured from the earliest times), that exist in the UK, often enforced by law and Acts of Parliament. Love marriages predominate in UK society, and sometimes marriages of convenience of types not known in traditional Nepali, also for same-sex orientated people, natural love marriages and/or civil partnerships exist in ways that are not possible in Nepal.
In the UK marriage ceremonies can also be associated with large scale marriage celebrations, of even in some cases 300+ attendees. Aldershot’s Empire Hall is an example of a venue where such celebrations take place, but it is not uncommon for Nepali restaurants across the UK to be booked out for private events that are marriage celebration related.
Finally, prior to the third type of marriage, there is almost always an engagement ‘Tika-Tala’ ceremony: this compared to the subsequent wedding ceremony, is a simple promise between bride and groom, with accompanying spoken vows (a ceremony that features in not a few love-themed Bollywood films).
Customs relating to death:
Cremation (and associated cremation rituals: Daha Sanskar) is the absolutely required method of ritual passing on of the mortal remains of an individual. In Nepal funerary ceremonies (Antim Sanskar) traditionally mean a wooden funeral pyre, and subsequently sending the ashes into a river – Nepal has many sacred rivers which feed into the Ganges: Pashupatinath Mandir (above: photo courtesy of Tom Pouncy, a contributor to the arts & culture section of the information resource) in Kathmandu is perhaps the most famous of locations for cremation & last rights for Nepali Hindus. This is not possible in the UK, but ashes from cremation may still often be returned to Nepal for sending into the waters of sacred rivers.
Mourning takes many forms and can relate at stages from one month up to a year. In addition to lighting candles and invoking prayers silently or spoken/chanted, particularly morning takes the form of abstention of almost all types of food, especially spicy food and related ingredients such as chilies and garlic, onions, but also no milk or dairy products (milk, yoghurt, eggs, cheese), or meats (including fish). Foods must be bland/non-spicy.
On the thirteenth offerings are made to assist in auspicious sending of the departed soul (Atma) moving on from earthly attachments.
There is also an important annual ceremony, Shraddha (Day of Remembrance), which is a parallel to a birthday. Shraddha is an auspicious rather than mournful anniversary, and especially concerns parents (each has their own Day of Remembrance) that have passed on. It involves reverence and deep appreciation towards those who have passed on, remembering all they did for their children and those left behind.
Birth, and related:
There are a number of different of rites and ceremonies associated with birth, but two are of especial importance; the Chhaiti Ceremony, and the Pasni Ceremony.
Regarding the Chhaiti Ceremony, this takes place six days from birth, and involves the Bidatha (or ‘faith writer’ as instrument of Heaven/God) who writes the faith of the infant. Traditionally for the six days from birth until the Chhaiti Ceremony the family of the baby sit together in meditation-type focused state to seek auspicious energies for the infant.
Regarding the Pasni Ceremony, this involves the occasion and related celebration (to whom select special family friends as well as broader family are invited) when for the first time that the infant eats rice and other staples.
Naming Ceremony: The ‘Nuwaran’ ceremony involves the symbolically very important matter of conferring an auspicious appropriate name to the newly born baby. This takes place on the eight day from birth for a girl, and on the ninth day from birth for a boy. An astrologer oversees the Nuwaran Ceremony; the process commencing with the astrologer advising a letter of the alphabet relating to the time of birth of the infant. The baby’s astrologically assigned name has to commence with that letter.